Who am I?

That is a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately. I’m in my late 20’s; by late I mean in a few short weeks I will enter into my last year as a 20-something. I had all these grand plans for 2013 and then all of a sudden things changed. Now, I DO NOT mean in the “I got pregnant and had a baby and my life is forever dedicated to another human” type of change. No offense if you went through that kind of change, I’m just not ready for all that in my life yet.

What I mean is that a series of events have occurred and have caused my priorities to shift. It’s been exciting, scary, frustrating and hard throughout the process. I’m starting to figure out my way, but it’s going to be a long road. This, my friends, is what I like to call the “late 20’s crisis”. I’m in this limbo of what I would like to be doing and what I feel is most important to be doing. For example, I was signed up to run the Disney Marathon in January of 2014. I signed up for this event in May of 2013 and had been talking about signing up since I did the race in January of 2013. My plan was to run a sub 4 hour marathon and pretty much kick ass. Well, then life happened and reality set it. Since May, I have gotten a promotion at work, earned a spot in a leadership development program through my company, changed for working a normal 9am-6pm shift to working 12pm-9pm and moved in with my boyfriend.

It’s a lot to take in during a 5 month span. After all of these changes happened, I realized a couple of things. I will list them…I really like making lists; prepare yourselves. There will be several on this blog once I get the wheels rolling.

1. Although I loath working 12pm-9pm and feel like I miss out on a lot of my running stuff. I knew what I signed up for and it was necessary for me to get my foot into the door of leadership. I have to own my decision and not be pissy about it.

2. Leadership is hard! I have always seen myself as a strong leader and someone who could get things done. I have learned that leadership is just the opposite. You have to be vulnerable and admit when you need support from others to get a job done. You also have to be flexible and quick on your feet. I am working on that.

3. I have never felt more uncertain and insecure in my life! I find myself questioning every decision I make worried if it’s the right one or am I going to get it wrong. I have a fear of failure. There, I said it for all the world to see! I have always excelled when I put my mind to it. In this situation, I am putting my mind to it, but not ending up with the results I always want. I think it will take time to build my confidence, it’s a work in progress.

4. Because of the change in my shift, I am going to sleep later and not able to have my 4:45am wake up calls anymore. That ultimately resulted in me deferring my marathon to 2015. It wasn’t fun and felt like a job. Running is supposed to be fun!

5. The very best part of the last 5 months has been moving in with my boyfriend. He is the most kind, loving, patient and wonderful man I have ever met. To think that he was right in front of me for a year and a half at work before we started dating. The way he asked me out is worth its own post…he was very adorbs about it.

As you can see, there is some complexity here and this is just a high level of my world. I am a work in progress. Thanks for checking my blog out!

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